to carry on pretending is impossible.

i give up trying to love you
i give up trying to be the person that you want me to be
i give up convincing myself that i'm doing the right thing
i give up putting on a fake smile for you
i give up pretending everything's ok
i give up pretending i don't miss you
i give up telling myself that i'm over you

who am i fooling? this isn't me, it never was.

i still love you. always have, always will.

when i see your face, there's not a thing that i would change
'cause you're amazing, just the way you are
and when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
because girl boy you're amazing, just the way you are.

got your picture in my hand saying, if you see this girl can you tell her where i am?

so recently I've began to realise how fortunate used to be, how privileged i was, and how i took for granted, the little things in life that made be the person who i was. But now, i realise I've lost all of these things, I'm no longer fortunate or privileged, and I'm beginning to question, who i am? i've lost most of the people closest to me, and facing up to that, knowing it's all my doing, is the hardest thing in the world.

you were meant to be there, meant to care. Meant to hold my hand when i cried, and hug me when i needed confort. You should have been my bestfriend, the only one i could always count on, the one i went to with all my problems and the one who i could trust. you were meant to hold my heart, always in your hands. but instead, you took my heart and tore it in two. You weren't there. You didn't care, you didn't hold my hand when i cried. You were the cause of all my tears. You weren't my bestfriend, but i was never yours, Just a meer silouette that put a shadow on your life. I was there for you, i held your hand when you cried and held your heart in my palms. i never let go. I wiped away the blood, and iced the bruises. We were supposed to share secrets, instead i hid all of yours. I tried, all i ever did was try. It wasn't enough, It was never enough. I wasn't enough. It hurt. You hurt. Everyday. I finally got courage, i finally found myself. I finally saw you for what you were. I finally broke free from your grasp, i finally ran away.
i love you, i always will.
i'll always be your daughter, you'll always be my mum.
you're heart i'll always hold.
mine break to hear myself say, now's time to let go.
you've had me in your grasp for too long.

this is the end.

i wish with everything
all that i had
that i could hate you
i want that, so bad
but my heart doesn't know
what it means to hate
and when it begins to know
its already too late
you're back and forth
you like me then you don't
and i wish i could say this
but i cant and i wont
i wont describe
the amounts of pain
that you leave behind
as you carry on in vain
i wont tell you
how much it kills me inside
to live my life
without you by my side
its the chase you want
not the amazing girl you'd catch
you look at me like
I'm just one from the batch
but I'm more than you think
I'm one of a kind
you'll search and search
but MY GOD you wont find
ANYONE as special or caring as i
i hate that i cant hate you
i kind of wish you'd die
i wish you'd disappear
and take my pain with you
because without you around
i know I'd make it through
i hate to see you doing so well
when i miss you so much
i hate the way you talk to me
i hate how we've lost touch
i hate that i cant talk to you
when you're all that I've had
i hate that i cant hate you
because i want to SO DAMN BAD
i cant erase the memories
and i gave back all your stuff
but these feelings still haunt me
and life is still real tough
i want to learn to hate you
i want to erase you from me
i wish so much that i could hate you
because now who can i be?
everything i ever was
and everything i knew
and everything I'll ever be
will trace me back to you.
i found myself and what love was
and how to love myself
i learned how to trust another
you cant put that on a shelf
you cant push that out of your life
you live in me through this
i learned everything about who i am
from how i cry to how i kiss
i wish i could hate you
even after everything, i still don't
and no matter what you say to me
i swear to you...i wont.

we were hoping for some romance
all we found was more despair